A Moment of Reflection
I've had countless moments of quiet reflection on this trip. In many ways my eyes have been opened: to life, to people, to culture, to nature, to the universe. Recently I found out I was surrounded by people who were either currently struggling, or had been struggling silently with personal matters unbeknownst to the larger group. I think the most shocking part is just how many people fall into this category, and how good they are at being outwardly happy. Another category of people are the ones who have backstories and personal history that would completely surprise you. Just a few of the situations I've come to learn about would probably shock you too, and you'd be questioning a lot of the same things I am.
I spent a large portion of my morning crying, because while I’m sitting here trying to sort through my career, my relationships, my future, my thoughts, my dreams, my completely raw emotions that I can’t even make sense of sometimes, I’ve somehow forgotten that the people around me have this same tornado swirling around them too. And in many cases, these aren’t nearly the worst of their problems. A bunch of us got into “13 Reasons Why” this month, and it was a sobering reminder that you need to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes to experience anything even remotely close to empathy. I touched on this subject towards the end of my post-Lima blog, but the one thing I forgot to do was put my own advice into practice. Isn’t that typical?
During Remote Year we walk a fine line of “This is My Year” and “We’re All in This Together.” So which is it? I guess we’re supposed to be both selfish and selfless and do it all in a super cohesive, unified manner, while simultaneously realizing our life’s purpose, and furthering our careers, and coming up with genius business ideas, and being the brave world travelers everyone envies. There is more pressure coming at us in one day than most have to deal with in a year. I’ll be the first to say that this is the best excuse for when you’ve been a shitty friend. I could sit here all day and ask myself how I’ve failed to tap into the deeper emotional levels of someone I count as one of my best friends, but that just keeps the focus on me.
All I have to say is, it takes one hell of a courageous person to stand up and tell 75 people, I’m losing sight of myself and I need help. I’ve been more inspired by the bravery of one single person, than by anything else on this trip thus far. You didn’t walk away from it all. You didn’t give up. You decided to say, fuck it, I deserve this. And for that, I applaud you.
In my own life I’ve often wondered how to define the term confidence. The dictionary says its ‘belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-reliance; assurance.’ Is that real confidence, or is that the facade we hide behind? I’m slowly coming to realize that my idea of confidence has nothing to do with self-reliance, but rather the ability to reveal one’s shortcomings, pain, and secrets so that the people who love us the most can help us figure out what it is we need to ultimately succeed. We can’t do this life alone.
I count myself as lucky. I’m lucky because somewhere along the lines of my life, I learned to embrace the pain of living. In every moment of darkness, I know there is light on the other side. I know that for however long I must feel pain and fear, there will be joy that follows. I’m lucky that I know these things to be true, because sometimes the darkness lasts so long you forget what the warmth of light felt like. The amazing thing about humankind is that we can be each other’s bearer of light. If you are in the dark today: choose to be confident, lay down your guard, open the window and let light pour in.
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You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you. Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
-Mary Tyler Moore
#NP: Amazones - Seth XVI
